The phenomenon of older couples divorcing after their children leave home, often referred to as “gray divorce,” is on the rise in the United States. According to Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research, divorce rates doubled for Americans 55+ and tripled for those over 65 from 1990-2021.

While some marriages weather this transition, many couples find themselves unexpectedly reevaluating their relationship. Here are some reasons why empty nests can lead to breakups:
- Loss Of A Shared Purpose: For many couples, raising children becomes a central focus of their lives. Once the kids depart, some spouses may feel a sense of emptiness and a lack of common ground. They may realize they haven’t nurtured their relationship as a couple and struggle to find new ways to connect.
- Rediscovering Individuality: With child-rearing duties out of the picture, spouses may rediscover their own interests and priorities. This is not so uncommon for baby boomers who grew up during the “Me Generation” and possess a freer spirit. So this may not necessarily align with their partner’s. This newfound independence, while positive, can expose underlying incompatibilities that were masked by the busyness of family life.
- Long-Ignored Issues Resurface: Some couples may have put up with marital problems for the sake of their children. With the kids gone, these issues can no longer be sidestepped. Infidelity, emotional neglect, or incompatibility that was tolerated in the past may become dealbreakers in the present.
- Mid-Life Reassessment: Empty nest often coincides with mid-life, a time when people commonly reevaluate their lives. They may question their careers, their health, and their relationships. This introspection can lead some to conclude that their marriage no longer fulfills them and that they deserve a chance at happiness.
- Financial Shifts: Retirement or changes in income levels can strain marriages. Disagreements about spending habits or dependence on one spouse’s income can come to a head when the financial dynamic of the household changes.
- Changing Gender Roles: Women’s increased financial independence can alter marital power dynamics. A wife who was previously financially reliant on her husband may now feel empowered to leave an unhappy marriage.
Empty nest syndrome isn’t the sole cause of gray divorce, but it can be a catalyst. It’s a reminder that marriage is a journey that requires ongoing effort and adaptation throughout life’s stages.